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Complicated Gratitude

by | Nov 25, 2025 | Parts of Ourselves, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

When gratitude and unhappiness collide

Hello Friends,

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I have been reflecting on gratitude. Gratitude is essential… and yet it can be complicated. Sometimes it almost feels wrong to be grateful in a world that has so much suffering.

Recently, I started a part time job teaching English to multilingual learners at an elementary school. I am grateful to have the job, but it’s not quite what I was hoping for. So I am simultaneously feeling unhappy and grateful. And truthfully, letting myself vent about the unhappy parts has felt deeply therapeutic. If I were to try to force myself to be only grateful, it would be unhealthy. I need to allow the slow arc of unhappiness to move through me, so it can eventually transform into acceptance and maybe even quiet joy.

This experience made me think of a blog that I wrote almost a decade ago. I’m sharing an excerpt from it here.

 

Toxic Gratitude

Toxic Gratitude

(The above poster was made by my daughter for the original 2016 blog.)

Recently, I have seen a few profiles on dating sites for men who are looking for a woman that is only positive—no negativity allowed. Are they joking? Are they looking for a human or a dog?

I have become weary the last few years of any program for joy, happiness or positivity that excludes negative emotions. Yes, negativity with no gratitude can be unhealthy, but it is not a life affirming action to banish grumbling, negativity and complaining and try to replace them with positive and happy emotions. It is like trying to create a day that has no night, or a baby that never cries. At its best it is unsustainable. And at its worst it is toxic. Gratitude that cannot hold the difficult emotions and moments of life is what I call toxic gratitude.

Toxic gratitude is like candy. It is sweet. It looks sweet to others, too. But too much of it will make us sick. We need Brussel sprouts and spinach and apples, too. No, leafy vegetables are not as aesthetically pleasing. They do not have shiny wrappers, and they are vulnerable to bugs and worms. But they are a healthy, vital part of being human. If we try to hide our dark thoughts and emotions behind shiny wrappers, we will end up damaged indeed.

Candy

In this hilarious clip, Selma Baraz shares a story about a practice that her son James taught her at age 90. Selma, a Jewish mother of three, was very adept at “kvetching” (complaining or chronic grumbling). She complained about just about everything all the time. The little “mantra” that her son James taught her was to add the phrase, “And my life is truly very blessed” to the end of each complaint. That is it. It is that simple. And it changed (or “ruined”) her life—it made her happy.

I have adopted this technique myself, and it is one of my favorites. It is especially fabulous one week out of every month when my brain turns into a litany of complaints. The worst thing I can do for my happiness when my brain has turned dark is to tell myself that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. The most life affirming thing I can do is to add, “and my life is truly very blessed” to each complaint. Not to negate the complaint—I can hold the space for a complaint. But I add the phrase to affirm the truth: my life is truly very blessed.

Almost a decade later, I have internalized this practice. When I feel unhappy (as I sometimes do), I remember that my life is full of blessings. Just as the sun is still there even when it’s behind a cloud, so too are the gifts in my life even when unhappiness obscures them.

As we approach this holiday of Thanksgiving, my wish for you is that you can embrace the whole of your experience. If you need to grumble or grieve, please open your heart to hold these emotions with compassion. And also sense life’s invitation to open to abundance, beauty and joy.

May you rest in the light of true gratitude,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. If you’re new to my newsletter, welcome. Most weeks I share playful, research-based practices for helping kids (and the grown-ups who love them) grow mindfulness and self-compassion. Today we explored the nuances of gratitude, and I’m glad you’re here.

P.P.S. Stay tuned next week for something more playful… you’ll have a chance to vote on the cover of Volume 2 of my workbook for kids. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.😊

We Felt More Connected: A Sweet Surprise from a Parent-Child Mindfulness Class

by | Nov 18, 2025 | Mindfulness, Parenting | 0 comments

Hello friends,

I just finished taking the six-week, self-paced Parent-Child Mindfulness and Self-Compassion class with my neighbor, Dee, and it feels both sweet and tender.

I invited my nine-year-old neighbor to take the class with me for 2 reasons:

  1. She struggles with anxiety.
  2. I was curious how it would be to take the parent-child class asynchronously with a child.

And six weeks later, the answer is clear: Both Dee and I really enjoyed taking the course together. In fact, I really liked taking the course using pre-recorded videos for a few reasons:

  • It was relaxing for me to take the class because the videos did the teaching. So I just got to relax and be a co-learner with Dee.
  • When we shared ups and downs with each other or checked in with each other about class content, we could pause the video for just the right amount of time for our sharing.
  • I was able to set up a space in my office for Dee and I to take the class at a relaxing time on the weekend that worked for our schedules.
Parent and child practicing mindfulness together with coloring and snacks during a self-paced class.
Parent and child practicing mindfulness together with coloring and snacks during a self-paced class

Dee enjoyed coloring a mandala during our sessions together and having a little snack midway through each class. I also kept my Super Snuggles on hand so that I could comfort Dee with my little animal if she shared something hard.

What delighted and surprised me most was how much closer we felt over time. During session four, Dee and I did a kind wishes practice, and we were instructed to choose a person or animal that we cared about for the exercise. In my mind, I chose Dee, and when I asked Dee who she had chosen to imagine, she said me. It was truly a moment of connection!

If you’d like to try the Kind Wishes practice that created that moment of connection for us, you can find a short, child-friendly version on my meditations page. It’s something you can do in just a few minutes, together or on your own.

It is common for parents and kids to share that they feel more connected after taking my parent-child class. In our research, families often describe a deepening sense of closeness through shared practice.

Here are few reflections from Dee and me about the class:

Quotes from Dee: “I just liked it… It gave me compassion [for myself]. Now I do cookie breathing and playful stretching.”

“It made me realize how powerful this class is for helping grown-ups and kids grow closer together.” -Jamie Lynn Tatera

If you’d like to explore mindfulness and self-compassion with a child in your life, the Parent-Child Mindfulness and Self-Compassion class is available in a self-paced format. Families can move through the practices together at their own rhythm, pausing, coloring, and sharing in ways that fit real life…just like Dee and I did.

And if you’re an educator, therapist, or caregiver who feels called to share these playful, research-based practices with more kids, my teacher training offers a deeper pathway into this work.

Together we can help mindfulness and self-compassion reach every child, one playful moment at a time.

Wishing you and the children in your life the gifts of mindfulness and self-compassion.

Warmly,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. A group of kids (including my two daughters) helped create a short play called Snuggles Stayed Close. This photo was taken during rehearsals, when the kids decided part of the play needed to happen up in a tree.

A play: "Snuggles stayed close".

How to Help Good Things Stick: A Playful Mindfulness Activity for Kids

by | Nov 9, 2025 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Resilience, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

Hello friends!

I teach playful mindfulness and self-compassion lessons in schools, and today I’m inviting you into a few K5-4th grade classrooms to see how I help kids open to goodness and take in good things.

Do you ever have those days when you’re fixated on what is wrong and have a hard time taking in what’s right? Ummm…me too friends. And this is NOT our fault. Every human brain is hardwired for survival, which means that we focus and ruminate on negative things to try to avoid bad things.

And the good things? Well, they tend to quite literally slip away. Psychologists call this the negativity bias. Rick Hanson says that our brains are like velcro for the negative and teflon for the positive. But we don’t have to stay stuck in the negative. There are things we can do to help.

In my work with kids, we call this growing the “Sunny” habit. Sunny is one of five resilience animals (I know…it’s not really an animal!) that build resilience and well-being.

Sunny - one of five resilience animals/characters.

I like to remind kids that even on cloudy days, the sun is still there. It’s just hiding behind a cloud.

Recently in some of my K5-4th grade classrooms we focused on the Sunny habit as we embarked on our first adventure in Volume 2 of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids. After a playful comic on savoring, we made our way to our first activity: Glitter Glue. (You can peek at the workbook page below.)

Activity 1.1 Glitter Glue

I used a few simple props to make it come alive as a whole-group lesson. Here’s what you’ll need if you’d like to try it with kids at home, school, or wherever you interact with kids: a construction paper person cut out, masking tape, three white strips of paper, glue (glitter glue makes it extra fun).

Preparation for the activity 1.1 from the book: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 2.

(Note: You can see a short video of me teaching this lesson in the paid subscriber edition of this week’s newsletter.)

Here are the steps:

  1. I held up my cut out person and told kids, “This is You.” Then, I explained that every day some good things and not-so-good things happen to all of us. (This helps kids normalize ups and downs.)

  2. Next, I asked kids to share three good things from their day—little things like having breakfast or playing outside—and I wrote each good thing on a slip of paper.

  3. Then, I asked kids to tell me three not-so-good things from their day, and I wrote each negative thing on a piece of masking tape.

  4. I held up my “You” cut out and alternated placing the positive pieces of paper and not-so-good pieces of tape on the person as I narrated. The “negative” tape stuck and the good paper strips slipped off and fluttered to the floor. *The kids’ reactions to this part are so much fun!*

  5. I asked kids what they noticed. Kids shared that the difficult things stuck, and the good things fell down. “Yes,” I responded. “This is like our brain.”

  6. I got out my bottle of glitter glue and glued the strips of positive things onto “You.” Because we need to apply a little “glitter glue” to good things in life to help them stick!

Activity 1.1 classroom output.

Afterward, we did a few more activities that help good things land—including noticing our five senses and taking “cookie breaths.” When something good happens, taking deep breaths and attuning to our senses can help the good moments stand out and stick in our minds.

I also reminded the kids that good things don’t cover up or push away bad things. They are both a part of life!

I hope this playful lesson helps you to intentionally notice and soak in good things, too. Remember, the negativity bias isn’t your fault, AND there are things you can do to help the good things be salient in your mind!

Wishing light, love, and good things,

Jamie Lynn

Finding the Spark Together: How Kids Turned Learning Into a Quest

by | Oct 28, 2025 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

Hello friends,

This week’s story is the final chapter in my child-centered, play-based creation series. While these stories might seem to be about how I co-created the Mindfulness & Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids, they’re really about something deeper: learning to listen to children about how they love to learn.

Again and again, the kids showed me that when we listen with curiosity instead of control, learning becomes joyful for all of us. And in this last story, their sense of fun took our project in a direction I never could have planned.

Originally, the workbook was one big book with 168 pages of lessons, comics, and quizzes. I tested it with lots of kids, and they enjoyed it. There were smiles, engagement, and the occasional thumbs up. But not two thumbs-up.

Something was still missing.

The lessons were engaging, but the spark—that sense of pure joy and connection—wasn’t quite there. So I invited the kids to start teaching each other. I believed that the kids would discover what was missing as they taught other kids. And they sure did!

The Quest was born

A child named Lailah, who was doing the workbook, came up with the quest idea. She thought we could travel through lands instead of chapters on a magical adventure. Brilliant! But a quest for what?

I thought that we could go on a quest to help the Feelings Animals learn resilience habits. This sounded like a very worthy cause to me, so I proposed it to kids. But the kids looked at me and, almost in unison, said, “Boo! Two thumbs down!” (Yes, they literally booed the idea.)

Then Lailah had another idea: “What if Doodles the dolphin is turning ten and has never had a birthday party!? We could go on sixteen adventures to gather ingredients for a magical cake for Doodles’ surprise party!”

And that was it! The purpose of the quest and the whole adventure was born: to gather birthday cake ingredients for Doodles’ surprise party. I’ll admit, I was a little skeptical at first. Would children, including third-grade boys, really buy into this idea? Yep. They did. Doodles’ surprise party turned out to be really motivating and deeply engaging for kids. We had to break the book into two volumes to fit all the quest elements, and at the end of Volume 1, kids (even those third grade boys) would ask me when they could start Volume 2.

“Why?” I’d ask with curiosity.

“To get to Doodles’ surprise birthday party!”

Suddenly the workbook wasn’t just a set of lessons—it was an adventure. We created a big map showing sixteen lands that “you” (the reader) would travel through alongside the Feelings Habit Animals.

The map, of course, was initially created by kids. Look at all the delightful details in the kids’ draft!

The Quest Map

Each land became an adventure filled with comics, talking animals, real kids sharing, and playful activities. At the end of every adventure, kids earned another ingredient for the surprise cake—and a reason to celebrate what they were learning together.

Lets Celebrate the Rocking at Resilience.

Play had opened the door again, the secret door that leads to joy, engagement, and genuine learning.

And speaking of celebration, this past week marked the first birthday of Volume 1! Next week we’ll have our own celebration. I can’t wait!

With warmth and gratitude,
Jamie Lynn

P.S. I just got a dragon costume for some playful videos that I’ll be creating for Volume 2. Play can be our secret door, too, friends!

Jamie-Lynn in dragon costume ready to create some playful videos for kids.

🌱 This blog series starts here: The Day Kids Made Me Write a Quiz — the origin story behind the Mindfulness & Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids.

When Children Taught Me How to See: Why Pictures Teach What Words Cannot

by | Oct 21, 2025 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

Hello friends,

I loved hearing reflections on last week’s story from those of you who saw your own kids or clients in Sam. A few of you asked how to support “Chameleon” kids (and teens) who hide feelings without realizing it.

For me, helping “Chameleon” kids with feelings begins with practicing the three steps of self-compassion with their current feelings habits. I start by helping them notice that they may have hidden feelings—the chameleon habit. Then I help them understand that other kids sometimes have hidden feelings, too. (This is why my workbooks are full of real children who share their own feelings habits.) And finally I invite them to be curious about what self-kindness looks like given that they have hidden feelings. This may look different for different kids and always invites kids to meet themselves where they are. Paradoxically, self-acceptance becomes fertile ground for change.

And now, on to the beautiful lessons that children taught me about how they learn. (You’ll see some of their drawings at the bottom—they still make me smile.)

When I first started imagining the comics for the workbook, I thought all I needed to do was take the words the kids and I had already written and paste them into speech bubbles with characters talking to each other. Simple enough.

So I made sample comics myself, each one from the same vantage point and distance. I was focused on getting the message across.

Maya took one look and said, “No, no, NOO! That’s not how comics work.”

She explained that what draws kids in isn’t the message, it’s the images and movement—the shifts in perspective, the small details that make you look twice. Then she showed me what she meant, and suddenly, the same comic came alive. The angle changed, the scene had a backdrop, and there, somewhere hidden in every scene, she had added a tiny ant.

I worried the ant might distract kids’ attention away from my words, but Maya shook her head. “Mom, that’s what makes them pay attention to your words!”

And she was right. That little ant, who the kids later named Anty, became a playful part of every comic. Kids started looking for Anty on each page, laughing when they found her, and engaging with each comic.

It was the lesson kids taught me again and again: Play is the secret door.

I had been trying to explain self-compassion with words, but the kids were showing me something deeper. They learn through pictures, not paragraphs… through imagination, not instruction. The illustrations didn’t just support the message, they were the message.

In a world where so many images are generated by AI, these comics were born from something deeply human: #2 pencils, real insight, and creative kids teaching me how to see.

Last week I shared how the kids and I developed the dialogue for the comic about Sam’s hidden feelings (the one where Sam insists, “Parties are dumb!” and Curi stays present and curious). Below you can see how Maya’s sketch helped to bring the comic to life. The text might be a little hard to read in these drafts, but that’s okay. What matters most are the perspective changes, the expressions, and the little visual details that bring the story to life.

a comic draft by kids.

Once we had Maya’s sketch, Ambika (another child from the kids’ team) created colored digital images for me to share with kids in classrooms.

First digital images of comics.

Teaching students using the comics in Milwaukee Public Schools was a much bigger testing ground. Once the comics were thoroughly tested and loved by a diverse range of kids, it was time to choose the illustrator who could capture the same playful spirit.

The kids were in charge. We went to an event at MIAD and surveyed the artwork of many artists. We took pictures of their favorites and requested comic samples from their top three. In the end, there was a clear winner, Lexi Warshall, who later became the primary illustrator for the two-volume series. I’m going to be honest, the person the kids chose wasn’t my favorite, but that didn’t matter. What mattered is that Lexi’s whimsical illustration style delighted kids and made them happy to begin the adventures in the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids.

Lexi Warshall's illustrations for Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids.

When we listen to how kids learn, we grown-ups begin to understand what really matters: attuning to how our kids experience the world (which in this context means imagery and play).

With love and humility,
Jamie Lynn 💛

P.S. I put my heart and soul into listening to kids and creating what they needed to playfully learn the resource of mindful self-compassion. Thank you for helping me share this creation with the world.

🐾Read next: Finding the Spark Together — The surprising moment when kids turned learning into a joyful quest.