Habits that help when we’re worried

Hello friends,

The other day my daughter, Maya, and I were waiting nervously in the waiting room of the oral surgeon’s office. We were frazzled from arriving late (more on that later), and Maya was fretting about the anesthesia that would be administered for her imminent wisdom tooth extraction.

We named our feelings, and discussed how our bodies felt full of stress. With nothing to do but wait, I decided to do a movement practice called Seven Shakes and invited Maya to join in. After wearily looking around the waiting room to ensure no one was watching, she joined in the short movement practice. We alternated shaking our arms and legs 7 times, then 6 times, then 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1 to release the stress in our bodies. (You can try the Mindful Seven Shakes practice here.) After the movement, the tension in our bodies was greatly diminished, and I invited Maya to join me in a game of I Spy. Although initially reluctant, she joined the game, which kept our minds in the present moment as we continued to wait for the nurse to call us back for her surgery.

Behind the scenes

There were a few important moments that occurred before this little scene in the waiting room. First, there was some yelling in the car because…well…I had entered the wrong address in my GPS, and also I had not left as early as my daughter had wanted us to leave. I share this to let you know that I am not a perfect parent, nor do we always cope skillfully with our challenging moments.

But on the positive front, my daughters have had years of practice and exposure to me modeling helpful habits. My girls have completed my workbooks for kids and taken parent-child mindfulness and self-compassion classes with me. They have done mindful seven shakes with me many times, and they’ve watched me shake out stress or anger in the kitchen when I’m about to blow. They also have played mindful seeing games like I Spy with me over the years, so the practice has positive associations. I share this because it’s important to introduce helpful tools to kids repeatedly in low stress environments before we invite them to practice these skills during stressful moments.

I also have a lovely set of resilience animal habits in my mind that I reference when things go wrong. Here’s a peek inside the toolkit that I use with kids when they are worried or stressed.

A worry toolkit for kids (and us grown-ups!)

In the second adventure of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 2, we playfully explore a few truths about worry:

1) Worry is natural. Our brain’s negativity bias has primed us to worry. And if you have the Beaver feelings habit, you’ll be especially prone to worry!

2) It’s helpful to differentiate worries that can and should be addressed with proactive action from worries about things we cannot control. If we can do something to positively address our worries, this is a part of practicing courageous self-compassion.

3) Resilience Animal habits can help with worries!

In my initial draft of workbook 2, kids were asked to name a worry and then consider which resilience animal habits could help them. But this felt too intense for a lot of kids. So we changed the activity so that kids could consider which resilience animals could help Flame the dragon with his worries. See the page below with a fun activity for kids reviewing each of the five resilience habits:

Considering how Flame can use resilience habits for worries provides a bridge for kids to later consider which habits might work for them.

I used all of the resilience animal habits with Maya during the days leading up to the wisdom tooth extraction. When she was nervous, I validated her anxiety and reminded her that other kids go through the same thing (the “Buddy” habit). I also assured her that she was going to be okay and that we’d support her (the “Snuggles” habit). In the waiting room of the office, we practiced “Spots’” mindfulness habit as well as “Doodles’” action-oriented movement practice. Alongside her worry, my daughter was aware of goodness (Sunny), including our family’s ability to pay a skilled oral surgeon to extract her wisdom teeth.

These habits did not erase Maya’s fear, but they did help her feel more supported, grounded, and connected. That’s what resilience habits can do for us. As mentioned at the bottom of the above workbook page, resilience habits “won’t make your fear magically go away, but they can definitely help!” This is so true friends.

Which of the resilience animal habits do you find most helpful when your mind begins to worry? Please know that you’re not alone, and that there are habits that can help both you and your kids.

Wishing you compassion and resilience,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. Happily, Maya’s wisdom tooth extraction went well. She is starting to eat foods with more texture, and today is the first day that she’ll be able to use her water bottle straw again 🙂

Hello friends!

I teach playful mindfulness and self-compassion lessons in schools, and today I’m inviting you into a few K5-4th grade classrooms to see how I help kids open to goodness and take in good things.

Do you ever have those days when you’re fixated on what is wrong and have a hard time taking in what’s right? Ummm…me too friends. And this is NOT our fault. Every human brain is hardwired for survival, which means that we focus and ruminate on negative things to try to avoid bad things.

And the good things? Well, they tend to quite literally slip away. Psychologists call this the negativity bias. Rick Hanson says that our brains are like velcro for the negative and teflon for the positive. But we don’t have to stay stuck in the negative. There are things we can do to help.

In my work with kids, we call this growing the “Sunny” habit. Sunny is one of five resilience animals (I know…it’s not really an animal!) that build resilience and well-being.

I like to remind kids that even on cloudy days, the sun is still there. It’s just hiding behind a cloud.

Recently in some of my K5-4th grade classrooms we focused on the Sunny habit as we embarked on our first adventure in Volume 2 of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids. After a playful comic on savoring, we made our way to our first activity: Glitter Glue. (You can peek at the workbook page below.)

I used a few simple props to make it come alive as a whole-group lesson. Here’s what you’ll need if you’d like to try it with kids at home, school, or wherever you interact with kids: a construction paper person cut out, masking tape, three white strips of paper, glue (glitter glue makes it extra fun).

(Note: You can see a short video of me teaching this lesson in the paid subscriber edition of this week’s newsletter.)

Here are the steps:

1. I held up my cut out person and told kids, “This is You.” Then, I explained that every day some good things and not-so-good things happen to all of us. (This helps kids normalize ups and downs.)

2. Next, I asked kids to share three good things from their day—little things like having breakfast or playing outside—and I wrote each good thing on a slip of paper.

3. Then, I asked kids to tell me three not-so-good things from their day, and I wrote each negative thing on a piece of masking tape.

4. I held up my “You” cut out and alternated placing the positive pieces of paper and not-so-good pieces of tape on the person as I narrated. The “negative” tape stuck and the good paper strips slipped off and fluttered to the floor. *The kids’ reactions to this part are so much fun!*

5. I asked kids what they noticed. Kids shared that the difficult things stuck, and the good things fell down. “Yes,” I responded. “This is like our brain.”

6. I got out my bottle of glitter glue and glued the strips of positive things onto “You.” Because we need to apply a little “glitter glue” to good things in life to help them stick!

Afterward, we did a few more activities that help good things land—including noticing our five senses and taking “cookie breaths.” When something good happens, taking deep breaths and attuning to our senses can help the good moments stand out and stick in our minds.

I also reminded the kids that good things don’t cover up or push away bad things. They are both a part of life!

I hope this playful lesson helps you to intentionally notice and soak in good things, too. Remember, the negativity bias isn’t your fault, AND there are things you can do to help the good things be salient in your mind!

Wishing light, love, and good things,

Jamie Lynn