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Five Things Every Classroom (and Family) Needs to Remember

by | Jul 17, 2026 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

I recently finished teaching summer school, and it left me thinking about how much parenting and teaching have in common. Both are beautiful, imperfect places full of humans who don’t always get it right. One thing we can strive to create in both is a community that balances acceptance, personal responsibility, and kindness.

Right before summer school started, I wrote a children’s book called Owl’s Wisdom. Part of my curriculum for schools, the story shares five principles that matter for any classroom community, and for family life too. (If you’re an educator interested in bringing these ideas into your school, you can learn more here.) In the story, two of the Feelings Habit Animals run into some trouble, and Owl offers five pieces of wisdom that help them through it.

The five wisdoms

These are the five ideas, which I use in my own classroom and at home too:

  1. We wish kindness for ourselves and others.
  2. Life is imperfect.
  3. We each try our best to make good choices.
  4. When we make a mistake, we try to make it right.
  5. We are always good inside.
Owl's Wisdom: We Are in It Together, a classroom story by Jamie Lynn Tatera featuring the Feelings Habit Animals Bear and Dragon.

Just as siblings and parents have conflict, so too do students in a classroom. I like to remind my students that we don’t have to like all of our classmates, but we can wish them kindness, and we can be kind to ourselves, too.

When we mess up, it’s so easy to feel ashamed. All of us–including me–need the continual reminder that it’s okay to be imperfect, that we are good inside, and that when we make mistakes, we can try to make it right.

A moment where these came to life

Here’s a peek at these habits in action: a student in my classroom had been making some poor choices, so he spent a little time with me while the other children had free time. We talked about what he was needing underneath the challenging behavior. I reminded him that I know he’s trying his best, and that I understand some things are really hard for him.

Even as we named the poor choices honestly, I reminded him that he is good inside, and that I care about him and believe in him. We ended with a couple of ideas for what might help him make better choices, and a reminder that none of us are perfect and he can try again tomorrow.

As he rejoined the others, I could tell I’d given him what he needed: a balance of acceptance, accountability, and empowerment. The reassurance that he is good inside, paired with real support to keep trying, is what helps a child continue to grow in a caring community.

Caregivers need this too

We all need this, both kids and caregivers. None of us are perfect, and we are still good inside. This beautiful mess is easier to bear when we wish ourselves and others kindness, and remember that we are in it together.

With love and care,

Jamie Lynn

 

If you’d like regular reminders about how to help kids (and yourself) grow self-compassion, you can join my newsletter community.

How Would You Treat a Friend? Self-Compassion for Kids

by | May 18, 2026 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

There is a simple self-compassion exercise by Dr. Kristin Neff that can produce profound insights for adults and kids alike. It’s called “How Would You Treat a Friend?” Let’s try it now. 

Think about something you have been beating yourself up about lately. Maybe you’re falling behind in something. Maybe you had a parenting mishap. Now think about what you would say to a friend if the same thing happened to them.

You can pause and imagine this now.

Often, people find that they give their friends far more grace than they give themselves. I remind my friends that it’s okay to be imperfect, and that they’re still a good person. The invitation of this exercise is to say the words that you’d say to a friend to yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve personally used this exercise to take a U-turn when I was being hard on myself.

Here are a couple of pages from the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 1, where I guide kids through this exercise in the Land of Friendship.

After adversity, kids are often met with either self-criticism or self-compassion (and it’s frequently self-criticism). The voice that meets them in hard moments makes all the difference. This time Anjali was met with the voice of self-compassion.

Something we talk about a lot in our family, and that I teach in my work with kids, is that we all have strengths and struggles. This is part of being human. When we forget this truth, perfectionism and the inner critic can surface. When we remember this truth, we can love ourselves and keep trying.

The comic below is from Volume 2 of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, in the land of self-acceptance.

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids Volume 1, page 100, Activity 7.1 How Would You Treat a Friend worksheet for kids<br />
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids Volume 1, page 101, How Would You Treat a Friend activity showing children's responses comparing self-talk and friend-talk

One thing I’ve learned from doing this exercise with kids is that concrete scenarios matter. Not every scenario lands, which is why the workbook moves through several rather than stopping at one. And sometimes kids aren’t sure what they would say to a friend. That’s okay too. Kids can grow kindness toward themselves and kindness toward others side by side. 

Recently, I was working with a boy who tends to get hard on himself when he makes mistakes. We had just done the How Would You Treat a Friend exercise together, and then had moved on to considering what he would say to a friend who was worried about doing poorly on a test. The boy thought about it, and then said quietly, “It is okay to do mistakes.”

Later that day, when he got frustrated with himself for making an error, I reminded him of his own words. It landed differently than anything I could have said because he was hearing his words. That’s the power of this exercise.

When kids hear their own words, something shifts.

It can also be helpful to have kids consider the words they’d like to hear when things go wrong. Here is a playful exercise with Super Snuggles, the resilience habit animal who helps kids develop a kind inner voice..

Self-compassion doesn’t always come easily. A handful of years ago, I recorded my daughter Anjali and me doing the How Would You Treat a Friend exercise together. You’ll hear some resistance from her in the video when I ask her to say kind words to herself. We can normalize that it takes time to get used to a kind inner voice.

You can also try this with your kids in real time. When you hear them being hard on themselves, you can casually ask, ‘What would you say to a friend who did that?’ You don’t have to announce it as an exercise. I sometimes do this with my teenagers when I hear them struggling with inner criticism or self-doubt.

And the next time you’re having a difficult time, you can try it with yourself too. Ask yourself what you would say to a friend. Then try saying those words to yourself.

Wishing you the kindness you would offer a friend,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. If you’d like regular reminders about how to help kids and you grow self-compassion, you can join my newsletter community here.

Why Mindfulness Alone Isn’t Enough for Kids

by | Mar 24, 2026 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

Whenever I read about a mindfulness-in-schools study that didn’t have the results researchers were hoping for, my heart sinks a little. I feel a mix of disappointment and confusion because I know mindfulness can be helpful, and we all want to support kids who are struggling.

But after a little reflection, I remind myself of a few important things.

  1. Mindfulness is not the same as self-compassion, especially when we’re trying to support kids with big feelings. Non-judgmental awareness is a building block, but if it’s not paired with kindness, children will lack the care they need to stay with what they’re experiencing.
  2. Regulation happens in relationships. Children don’t learn to calm themselves in isolation. They learn it through repeated experiences with an attuned adult who can stay present with them when things feel hard.
  3. The caregiver’s mindfulness and self-compassion practice has to come first. We can’t help kids grow something we don’t embody.

If you’d like to read more about the mindfulness-in-schools research that sparked this reflection, you can read this article by Drs. Richie Davidson and Cortland Dahl. They remind us how a caregiver’s personal practice shapes the well-being of their students.

This is why the first three steps in my framework for teaching kids self-compassion center on caregiver well-being: 

Jamie-Lynn talking about the celebration and cupcakes at the end of the book.

The Framework: Four steps in sequence

Steps 1-3: Build the relational foundation

Before we teach children self-compassion, we build the ground they stand on. These first three steps happen in relationship, not in curriculum.

Step 1: Caregivers and educators learn self-compassion themselves. We cannot help children grow a skill we do not practice. Whether you are a parent, teacher, or clinician, this is the starting point.

Step 2: Model self-compassion out loud. Children internalize what they observe. When an adult names their own struggle and responds with encouragement or tenderness out loud in front of a child, they make self-compassion visible.

Step 3: Become the external compassionate voice. Children absorb tone before technique. The way we speak to them shapes how they eventually speak to themselves. Over time, the compassionate voice they hear from us helps build a self-compassionate inner voice.

These three steps are relational. They unfold in everyday moments of modeling and attunement. But modeling alone is not enough. Children also need structured opportunities to recognize their patterns and practice new responses.

That is where Step 4 comes in.

Step 4: Explicitly Teach and Scaffold Self-Compassion

Self-compassion becomes teachable when it is playful, speaks the language of children, and is introduced through engaging lessons. Step 4 is where structured teaching begins.

You can read the full framework on my here →

I know how easy it is to read something like this and immediately think about the kids in your life… what they need and what you wish you could help them with. This desire to help our kids comes from a beautiful place, and it is important (it’s why I’ve created my classes and workbooks for kids).

But again and again, I’ve seen that the most meaningful shifts for children begin when the adults around them take time and space to tend to their own inner experience. When we learn to meet ourselves with kindness, it changes how we show up for our kids.

If you’re ready to build that foundation, I offer the 8-week Mindful Self-Compassion course in a fully self-paced format—so you can begin anytime and move at a rhythm that fits your life. There’s also a 6-week version designed specifically for parents and caregivers if you’d like something more condensed. (You can explore both MSC offerings here).

If you’re not quite ready for a course, I’d love to stay connected. Join my newsletter for practical tools and reflections to help you and the kids you care about grow self-compassion.

 

Wishing you the gift of your own kindness,

Jamie Lynn

P.S.  If you’re looking for a way to support your child with big feelings, my free mini-course might be a helpful next step. It offers simple, playful ways to help children grow self-compassion when life feels hard. You can find it here.

Self-Esteem is a Fickle Friend

by | Mar 13, 2026 | Mindfulness, Parenting, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

When kids build their worth on self-esteem, they ride the emotional yo-yo of social comparison. Self-compassion offers something steadier.

Many well-meaning parents try to help their kids develop high self-esteem. But self-esteem can be a fickle friend. It’s there for us when we perform well, and it abandons us when we fall short or are below average.

Instead of self-esteem, we can help our kids grow stable self-worth through self-compassion. Self-compassion helps us to know that we are valuable because we are human beings, and we sometimes succeed and sometimes fall short just like others. Research by Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion provides greater emotional resilience and stability than self-esteem, without the continual self-evaluation and social comparison that make self-esteem so unstable.

When Kids Fall Short

Recently, my eighth-grade daughter tried out for the volleyball team and didn’t make the team. Moments like this are often where the stories kids tell themselves about success and failure shape their resilience. (You can read more about that story and the role self-compassion played in it here.) When kids tell themselves they are superior because they have strengths or inferior because they have weaknesses, they ride the emotional yo-yo of self-esteem. When kids instead remind themselves that just like others, they have both strengths and struggles, they enjoy stability and connection that are fruits of self-compassion.

In self-compassion research, this recognition is called common humanity: the understanding that struggle is part of being human, not a personal failure. 

Greater Than, Less Than

In my workbooks for kids, we explore the universality of strengths and struggles in the Land of Self-Acceptance. One playful way I illustrate this idea with kids is through the math symbols “greater than” and “less than,” which represent the kinds of comparison stories our minds tell.

In the page below from the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 2, you can see what it looks like when we think we are better than others because of our strengths. Notice how the sharp corner of the greater than sign cuts us off from a sense of connection with others.

Illustration showing a child having a “greater than” thought (“I’m better than everyone”) and how comparison thinking leads to disconnection from others.

In the page below, you see the converse of this: the less than thought. My older daughter, Maya, shares a struggle with dyslexia that she experienced in fourth grade. Her reading disability sometimes led her to feel less than others.

Illustration showing a child with dyslexia having a “less than” comparison thought that creates disconnection, and transforming it into an “equal to” thought recognizing everyone struggles.

Remembering that, “Everyone has their struggles,” has been Maya’s most helpful thought for coping with her dyslexia.

When we remember that we ALL have strengths and struggles, we reconnect with one another through our shared humanity. Here’s one last excerpt from volume 2, which shows how we can transform greater than and less than thoughts into “equal to” thoughts.

Illustration showing how “greater than” and “less than” comparison thoughts can become “equal to” thoughts recognizing everyone has strengths and struggles.

An equal thought does not mean that we pretend that we all have the same skills, which wouldn’t be true. Instead it helps us remember that we are all on the learning team. We have more skills in some areas and fewer skills in others, and we are all equally valuable.

The Buddy Habit

In my workbooks for kids, parent-child self-compassion classes (MSC-CC), and school programs we use a character called Buddy the dog to represent the practice of remembering we are not alone in our struggles. Kids call this the “Buddy habit.”

In the case of Maya’s dyslexia, remembering that “everyone struggles with something” is the Buddy habit in action. (Learn more about Buddy and the five Resilience Habit Animals here.)

What to Say When a Child Is in "Less Than" Thinking

When kids fall into “less than” thinking, it can help to gently remind them that everyone has both strengths and struggles. A parent might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling like you’re the worst at this right now. Remember that everyone has things that are hard for them, including you and me. You are not alone.” 

This kind of response doesn’t minimize the child’s struggle or rush them toward positivity. It simply offers the truth that struggle is shared. And that truth, repeated over time, can become the internal voice of self-compassion.

Note: If a child is locked into their self-critical voice, it often works best to simply acknowledge that it must be hard to have those challenging thoughts.

In the race to help kids build self-esteem, we sometimes rob them of the gifts of connection and humility that come from remembering that our worth is not contingent on our failures or successes. The universality of strengths and weaknesses connects us to one another.

Wishing you and the children in your life the gift of connection,

Jamie Lynn

 

P.S. If you’d like playful, research-based tools to help kids build self-compassion and resilience, you can explore the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volumes 1 & 2 here.

Jamie Lynn Tatera profile picture

Jamie Lynn Tatera, MS, is the author of the award-winning Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids (Volumes 1 & 2) and the creator of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion for Children and Caregivers (MSC-CC) program—an approved adaptation of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer’s Mindful Self-Compassion program. For more than a decade she has taught mindfulness and self-compassion to children, caregivers, and educators and trains teachers and clinicians to bring these practices into schools and parent-child settings. She lives in Milwaukee with her family.

When Kids Fall Short: How Self-Compassion Builds Resilience in Kids

by | Feb 20, 2026 | Mindfulness, Resilience, Self-Compassion | 0 comments

Recently, my 8th grade daughter had volleyball tryouts. Although she has bumped a volleyball back and forth during PE class, she’s never actually had formal volleyball training. Nonetheless, she went to all three days of tryouts and gave it her best effort.

On Wednesday night, she came home and said that they would email the list of kids who made the team by 9:00 p.m. We waited. At 9:00 p.m. there was no email. 9:05, no email. 9:10, 9:20…still no email. A little after 9:20 she received some messages in a group chat about kids who had made the team and kids who had not made the team. Anjali was on the list of kids who had not made the team.

When kids don’t make the team, get a low grade, or fall short of a goal, what meets them next often shapes their confidence far more than the setback itself.

That night Anjali had some sad feelings, and I hugged her. Her disappointment was real, and I felt it with her. The next day after school we talked about the volleyball tryouts a little more. I told her I was proud of her for trying her best even though she’s new to the sport. That’s when she looked at me and said, “I’m proud of myself too.”

Those words filled my heart with joy. Here was a child who had tried and failed to make the team, and she appreciated her own effort.

After Adversity: Self-Criticism or Self-Compassion?

After adversity, kids are often met with either self-criticism or self-compassion (and it’s frequently self-criticism). The voice that meets them in hard moments makes all the difference. This time Anjali was met with the voice of self-compassion.

Something we talk about a lot in our family, and that I teach in my work with kids, is that we all have strengths and struggles. This is part of being human. When we forget this truth, perfectionism and the inner critic can surface. When we remember this truth, we can love ourselves and keep trying.

The comic below is from Volume 2 of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, in the land of self-acceptance.

Comic showing a child upset about being made to play soccer while Curi the Curious Chick offers perspective. Curi explains that everyone has strengths and struggles, shares that birds aren’t good at soccer but are good at building nests, and invites the child to name something they’re good at. The child shares their love of Lego creations, and Curi affirms that each person is unique and special.

In the above comic, Sam was being forced to play soccer even though soccer was not Sam’s strength or interest. For Sam, focusing on other interests and accepting that soccer was not a good match was the right choice.

This was not the case for Anjali. A few days after we found out that she didn’t make the team, we discussed what she was going to do over the next few months for physical exercise. I asked her if she wanted to take some classes to improve her volleyball skills. Was it really a sport that she was interested in? She said it was, and we are signing her up for some classes that will help her build volleyball skills.

What helped Anjali have the courage to get up and try again? It’s self-acceptance and self-compassion. She understands that everybody struggles. She also understands that we can grow skills and learn things we want to improve at. She is growing a supportive inner voice that will help her learn new skills.

In an upcoming reflection, I will share more resources to help kids develop a foundation of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance helps kids cultivate the strength and wisdom to move on or try again, so that they can become their most authentic selves.

With love and appreciation,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. If you’d like playful, research-based tools to help kids build self-compassion and resilience, you can explore Volume 2 of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids here.