A Self-Compassion Break for Kids (and Us)

Hello friends,

The other night I was driving out of town to pick up my daughter, and I was feeling upset. Events outside of my control were weighing heavily on my mind, so I turned on soothing music. But I knew I really needed to give myself compassion.

I opened my guided meditations page, and I decided to listen to the “Three for Me” self-compassion break for kids that I had recorded with my daughter a few years ago. It was just what I needed. Listening to her little voice reminded me to notice how my body felt and to soothe myself. I highly recommend listening to the self-compassion break for kids included in this blog. I’ll briefly describe the practice below, originally developed by Kristin Neff, and how I’ve adapted it for kids using hand gestures. I’ll also share a kid-friendly visual from volume 2 of my workbook where Flame the dragon practices the three steps of self-compassion.

A self-compassion break helps us hold our suffering with kindness and connection. It has three parts, so when I teach it to kids, I call it “Three for Me.” Each part has a hand gesture that helps kids connect with the practice.

The hand gesture for this is putting your hands on your head. You could say to yourself, “This is hard,” or “I’m really struggling with this.” Sometimes kids just like to say, “Ugh!” (There are more variations for kids in the guided audio practice.)

We remind ourselves that we are having a human experience, and others might feel like us. The hand gesture for this is extending your arms out in front of you with your palms up. Some kids like to say, “I’m not alone.” Other kids like to say “It’s okay to feel like this.” (Permission to be human.)

You can give yourself a hug or put your hands on your heart, or do another soothing gesture. You could also say comforting words, like “I’m here for you,” or “I care about you.” Kids often like to remind themselves that it’s going to be okay, or that they can do hard things.

In the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 2, I have kids circle the words that they would like to use for each part of the self-compassion break. (This helps kids consider what would be helpful.)

In my workbook for kids, I have kids watch Flame the dragon practice the three parts of self-compassion for Flame’s big struggle–not being able to fly. You can see Flame try out the self-compassion break with the hand gestures in the illustration below.

Kids often connect Sunny’s reminder at the end of the page: “Remember, you are always good inside.” When things go wrong, sometimes these are the words that kids need to hear.

After listening to the self-compassion break in my car, I felt more grounded. I was still upset, but I felt loved and held. You can listen to the guided practice below whenever you need, or download it to your device.

https://jamielynntatera.com/self-compassion-break-for-kids/​

The link also has a video of my daughter Anjali and me doing the self-compassion break together. If you’re introducing the practice to a child, you might want to start with the visual of Flame the dragon or ask if they’d like to watch the video of Anjali and me. For kids, it often works best for them to watch someone else do the practice first, and then try it when they are ready. Many parents and kids share that doing the hand gestures during a moment of struggle helps them remember the three parts of self-compassion.

If you’re having a hard time with some of the stuff going on in the world, please know that you are not alone. You are here, showing up with love and doing the best you can to help kids do the same. This matters. Your presence matters, and I’m glad that you are here.

Wishing you love, compassion, and self-compassion,

Jamie Lynn

Related resources:

• Guided Self-Compassion Break for KidsA short audio and video practice you can use with kids when things feel hard.
• Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 2A playful, research-based workbook that helps kids practice self-compassion in moments of worry, self-doubt, perfectionism, and shame.