It was such a beautiful moment…
Hello friends,
I had a beautiful and humbling moment with my older daughter, Maya. We were standing in the kitchen talking about her cross country training. Ranked #3 in the state for her division, Maya shared how her response to her running coach’s push for continual improvement has shifted.
Historically, when a coach would encourage Maya to push herself to achieve a new record, she would feel internal fear—What if I can’t level up? Why does my coach push me so hard? What if I disappoint my coach? In the past, I tried to be an external voice of reassurance, explaining to Maya that it’s her coach’s job to encourage her to challenge herself, and all she needs to do is try her best.
This year, Maya had a new experience when her coach set goals for improvement. Instead of fear, she felt interest, determination, and curiosity. Her inner voice sounded like, “Maybe it’s possible. I can try to reach these goals. I just have to try my best and let go of the results.” Maya was delighted that her fear response had been replaced by a new voice. And she told me that this same self-compassion and confidence was showing up in other parts of her life, including at school.
“Wow!” I exclaimed. “You’ve really internalized the voice of self-compassion…even more than I have!” Maya laughed, and we chatted a bit more before moving on. Inside I felt humbled and awed: my daughter is internalizing self-compassion in a way that I am still learning to.
And it makes sense. I came to self-compassion with a history of trauma, addiction, and decades of perfectionistic striving. Even now, as I pour myself into creating resources like the Raising Resilient Kids Mini-Course, my perfectionism pops up. Being a “slow learner” is part of practicing self-compassion, too.
Maya, on the other hand, has been wrapped in self-compassion since she was very young. She has faced challenges, including dyslexia, Irlen’s syndrome, and some tricky wiring passed down the generations. Yet from a young age she learned to meet those challenges with tenderness and courage. Now, kindness is becoming her default. Goosebumps arise on my arms as I write this, because if this is possible for my daughter, it’s possible for your children too.
When we give kids the resource of mindful self-compassion from a very young age, their default becomes inner kindness. -Jamie Lynn
This is why I work tirelessly on this work. Can you imagine how much more beautiful our world would be if every child had a strong and tender (self-)compassionate voice built into their wiring? This is the world that I envision, and I DO believe it is possible…one child, one family, one educator, one classroom at a time.
I have a vision and playful, research-based resources (like the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids and the mindful self-compassion courses for all ages). We just need to work together to ensure that all kids (like my daughter Maya) learn these helpful habits from the very start.
Wishing you and your children joy and belonging,
Jamie Lynn
P.S. If you’d like playful, research-based tools to begin weaving this into your own family or classroom, you can start the Raising Resilient Kids Mini-Course anytime and get one full year of access. And if you want something tangible to keep on hand, the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids is a wonderful companion. Both are designed to support you as you nurture resilience and kindness in kids.
P.P.S. In addition to cross country, Maya joined her little sister Anjali on the mountain biking team this year. Here’s a picture of the two girls at their first race of the season.
