Where Self-Compassion and Social Media Collide
Tips for helping kids (and ourselves) be mindful and self-compassionate in our technology use
The other day I picked up my younger daughter from her dad’s house, and I asked her what she had been up to. She shared that she had spent the morning playing video games. She was in a delightful mood, and when I inquired about how it was for her to play video games for such a large amount of time, she said something very insightful, “I enjoyed playing the games because I was in a good mood before I was playing. It’s not about how much time I’m spending, but it’s about how I feel when I get on. When I’m in a bad mood, I’m thinking why did that person beat me and I get mad. When I’m in a good mood, I think, ‘Ooo…that was a really good move. I wonder how they did that.’ It’s my mental state, rather than the game, that affects how I feel after playing games.”
How wise! I think this might be true to some degree for teens (and grown-ups) with social media use. Sometimes when I go on social media even with the best of intentions, a post or feed can trigger difficult emotions and/or lead me down a rabbit hole that leaves me feeling less well-being than when I opened the app. Other times I feel lifted up. But if I go on social media with a negative mindset, it’s almost sure to be a bad ride.
Parents and Kids Need Support
There is so much I can say on this topic, including the potential negative consequences and positive possibilities for the use of smartphones and social media. Much of this is covered in a panel I was part of last year on, “How to Help Kids be Smart with their Smartphones and Social Media.”
Among many things spoken about in our previous panel is that cell phones and social media are not all good or all bad. Yes, there are real social media dangers, and social media is engineered to be addictive. Nonetheless, our mind frame plays a role in how our technology use impacts us.
In 2024, the surgeon general issued a number of warnings that relate to this conversation. One of those warnings was about the adverse effects of large doses of social media use on teens. Another 2024 advisory was about parenting stress, and how caregivers need more support in their parenting. When it comes to technology and child well-being, we all need support.
Note: If you’d like to learn more about parent-child mindfulness and self-compassion, you can sign up here for an upcoming info session.
Mindful and Self-Compassionate Technology Use
This week I will be a part of a follow-up panel that will explore how we can help prepare children and teens to engage with technology and social media in wise ways that support their well-being. While parental controls are crucial for kids, I’m excited for a conversation about ways to help shift the burden of control off of parents. Our conversation will highlight ways that parents and kids can engage in effective dialogues to together build skills needed to self-monitor and make small shifts so that technology serves us rather than the other way around.
It’s free to join the livestream, or you can sign up and receive the recording if you can’t join us live.
It’s about more than just limiting technology use
Something else that I have learned in my parenting journey is that my kids have a better relationship with their technology when their everyday lives give them what they need. When technology use is off, often it’s related to feelings of loneliness or imbalance. Instead of just focusing on limiting tech use, we can focus on enhancing areas of kids’ lives that will help them feel more balanced. I loved this article by Emily Edlynn about New Ways to Think about Parenting and Technology.
A fun website
If you are considering giving your kids access to social media (or they are already have access, and you’d like to increase their awareness), you and your child can together visit the website https://www.getbadnews.com/. It’s a very interactive game/program that highlights the different techniques that influencers can use to manipulate and deceive on social media. It can help kids develop critical digital literacy skills, and also establish a foundation for future conversations that parents can have with their kids when they encounter these things on social media!
We are in this together
This was a lot of social-media related information, and I actually had to delete a bunch of information from this post to make it fit! This topic is one I’ve struggled with as a parent, and I want other parents to know that:
- You are not alone in this struggle.
- There are resources that can help (including your own mindfulness and self-compassion).
- We’re in this together. We can have a strong back (technology limits) and a soft front (connecting conversations), and together we can make our own and our children’s worlds just a little more wonderful.
With Love,
Jamie Lynn
P.S. One of my highlights of last week was seeing that Emily Sustar from the Motherhood Collective is using the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids with her parenting group. It made my heart warm to know that parents are using this resource to help themselves grow the skills they would like to share with their child.
P.P.S. For just $5 a month, you can join my parenting group. Not only will you help to support my work and receive my videos with personal stories, you can also move through the workbook with others at our monthly gathering. Our next gathering is at 1 PM CT on February 11th, and we’ll be exploring the chapter of the workbook on Mindfulness. Remember, when you help yourself, you help your child.
