Note: this blog is a continuation of my last blog: Overcoming OCD…how it all began.

My last blog featured Rohan* who had a debilitating nighttime fear of someone breaking into his house and taking him away. Rohan had been unable to sleep in his own room for the past five years, and he had developed a collection of nighttime rituals to try to manage his fears.

I’m picking up his story about six months into our weekly sessions. Rohan had finished almost all of the adventures in the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids, and he had developed a foundation in resilience habits. At this point, I invited him to be curious about his nighttime fears and rituals and their possible connection with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Because I am familiar with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (it runs in my family), I recognized that Rohan’s obsessions had similarities with those of children who experience OCD.

I have a wonderful book on my shelves entitled, The OCD Beaver (written by mom), which I read to Rohan and his mother. Rohan immediately identified with the character that had OCD. He discovered that his obsessions had a label, and he realized that he was not the only person who suffered from obsessive thoughts. I love how a good children’s book can help kids to experience this.

After reading the OCD Beaver, I had a couple of sessions with Rohan during which he shared the details of his nighttime experience. I took detailed notes about his feelings, obsessions, and nighttime rituals, which I emailed with his permission to his school guidance counselor.

Not only did we get curious about his nighttime rituals, but we also talked about nighttime habits that could help him positively cope with his anxieties. We also discussed facts and fiction about robbers and kidnappers. Even though Rohan had had previous conversations with his parents about his fears, he was now able to view his fears with more mindful awareness, less judgment, and more clarity about the nature of obsessions. He was learning to label his nighttime worries as “obsessions,” and differentiate obsessions from regular thoughts.

Rohan and I continued to meet for the next month as we finished up the second of the two self-compassion workbooks, including some lessons on strong self-compassion and being your own “inner teammate.” Each session we talked about how things were going at school, with friends, and also how his nighttime obsessions and compulsions were progressing.

The following week, Rohan’s mom texted me that Rohan had slept in his bedroom alone for the first time in five years. And he did it again the next night, and the next, and the next. When Rohan came to see me for his weekly session, we celebrated and talked about what had changed. Rohan’s school guidance counselor had not yet responded to the email I had sent with Rohan’s symptoms, so the change had been something inside of Rohan. Here’s what Rohan reported in his own words:

I used to say, ‘I feel like we’re going to get robbed, and it’s probably real. If I believe it too long, it will probably happen.’

Now, I say, ‘I already experienced this for years. I’m going to keep you [the thought] and tell you that it won’t happen.’ When I feel afraid I say, ‘It’s not going to happen. It’s just my OCD thought. OCD is not always right.’

Rohan had learned to label his obsessive thoughts and remind himself of reality. He wasn’t resisting his obsessions, but rather he was talking back to his thoughts assertively. Rohan stopped almost all of his nighttime rituals, and Rohan’s mom bought him a new bedroom set to celebrate.

Around the same time, Rohan began to experience less anxiety and stress at school. When Rohan and his mom gave me permission to write about his story, I asked Rohan if he had any words that he wanted to share with others. This is what he said:

Even though some people think it’s impossible to beat OCD, some little changes can help make a big change.

-Rohan, age 10

I feel grateful that I was able to help Rohan develop resilience tools that empowered him to respond differently to his nighttime obsessions and compulsions. Rohan’s story can remind us all of the power of helping kids develop resilience habits early in life.

Reminder: You can join me for an upcoming orientation session or class to help kids grow resilience-boosting self-compassion. More information here.

Remember, it’s never too late or too early to help a child (or grown-up) grow resilience.

Wishing you the gift of resilience,

Jamie Lynn

Note: *Rohan’s name and some other identifying details have been changed to protect his privacy, but the details of his fears and recovery are true.

P.S. I celebrated my birthday last week Friday. Here’s a picture of the “cake” that my daughters made for me :))

When Rohan was five years old, he was outside playing with a friend, and a man walked through the alley. Rohan’s friend pointed at the man in the alley and said that the man was a kidnapper. Rohan ran into the house to find his mom. His mom assured him that he was safe, but Rohan was different from that day forward. Even when Rohan moved from India to the United States the following year, a paralyzing fear of being abducted traveled with him.

Rohan’s fear became most active at night. After developing his fear of being kidnapped, Rohan would only sleep in his mom’s room at night, and he was tormented by thoughts of people breaking in and taking him away. Four years after the alley incident, nine-year-old Rohan was still sleeping in his mom’s room with terrifying nighttime fears. It was this challenge as well as behavioral problems at school that prompted the family to start to see me for private sessions.

I am a resilience educator, not a therapist. So when Rohan and his mother began private sessions with me, I let them know that I would be teaching them resilience tools that could eventually be applied to any of Rohan’s challenges, including his nighttime obsessions. I was in touch with the school counselor at Rohan’s school, and I let his counselor know the resilience habits that Rohan was developing.

I used the playful animals and lessons from the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids to help Rohan learn resilience skills. When Rohan took the feelings habit animal quiz, he identified with the beaver feelings habit. As he gained mindfulness skills, Rohan learned the distinction between being a beaver (thinking he was his thoughts) and observing his beaver-like thoughts.

Over the weeks and months of our sessions, Rohan began acquiring the skills of the resilience habit animals. He refined his ability to “Spot” his feelings, and he learned to assure himself that he was not alone when he struggled (the “Buddy” habit). Rohan also learned to observe his body sensations and identify things that he found soothing when he felt afraid. We talked about his obsessions, and how he could be kind to himself when he was feeling worried (the Snuggles habit).

Although we would regularly check in about Rohan’s nighttime obsessions and discuss how the resilience habits could be applied to his nighttime fear of abduction, Rohan did not feel ready to apply the habits at night. It can be incredibly challenging to practice resilience habits in the face of pathological fears, so we instead practiced applying mindfulness and self-compassion-related skills to smaller challenges.

Rohan had a huge collection of team jerseys. He would get one jersey, and then he would begin to obsess about the next jersey he wanted to get. I tried to help Rohan be an observer of the habits of his mind. At one point, he also wanted an Apple watch, and he would think about the Apple watch throughout the day at school. Rohan decided to call these kinds of thoughts “sticker thoughts,” and he learned to apply resilience habits to these thoughts.

When Rohan’s brain starting obsessing about the Apple watch, Rohan developed these strategies using the resilience habit animals:

1. Spots’ mindfulness: “Oh, look, it’s a sticker thought.”
2. The Buddy habit: “It’s okay to have a sticker thought.”
3. Comforting Snuggles: “I understand.”
4. Super Snuggles: “C’mon, you can do this!”
5. Doodles, “Think of pancakes (his favorite food), and make the sign language sign for pancakes.”

I helped Rohan to understand that resilience habits wouldn’t make the “sticker thoughts” go away, but they would instead help him cope effectively with the sticky thoughts. Rohan later told me that they were not sticker thoughts, but rather they were Duck tape thoughts! Even his sense of humor was a sign that he was learning a more healthy relationship with his thinking.

I’ll finish this story and share the events that led to Rohan’s miraculous recovery from his nighttime fears in my next blog.

Read about Rohan’s Spectacular Recovery

Even though this story has a spectacular ending, it was all of the resilience tools that Rohan had gained that created the foundation for the big change that was to come.

Wishing you light, love, and resilience habits,

Jamie Lynn

Note: *Rohan’s name and some other identifying details have been changed to protect his privacy, but the details of his fears and recovery are true.

P.S. I have a couple of openings for private clients over the summer. If you are interested in helping your child (or yourself) grow resilience habits, you can fill out a private session waitlist form here or join one of my upcoming classes.