The Key to Releasing Difficult Emotions

Hint: It’s inside of you

Hello Friends!

Thank you to all who shared your reviews of my first workbook for kids. It warmed my heart to read your experience and truly was a birthday treat! And welcome to our new premium subscribers!

Today, I’d like to share a little about feelings. This past weekend I felt abundant positive feelings as family and friends shared birthday wishes with me. I allowed myself to bask and soak in feelings of love, which made my heart area feel warm. That being said, there were also opportunities to notice and be with difficult feelings. There always are!

When I talk about emotions with kids, I like to highlight that the second part of the word e-motion is the word “motion.” This is because emotions are meant to move through our bodies. The Latin root word for emotions is “emovere,” which literally means to “move out” or “stir up” or “energy in motion.”

Emotions show up in the body in the form of sensations. Below is a quote from the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids, Volume 1:

“Emotions and sensations are like best friends, they always go together.”

This means that when there is an emotion, there is also a corresponding sensation in the body. For me sadness, can show up as a tightness in my throat. Fear can show up as a tightness in my chest. And anger can show up as tightness in my jaw. What about you, how do emotions show up in your body?

Below are a couple of pages from my workbook volume 1 that encourage you to get curious about sensations in the body that correspond with emotions:

Activity 5.2 Color Your Feelings from workbook for kids, volume1.
Activity 5.2 Color Your Feelings page 2

Becoming aware of emotions’ sensations in the body is key to allowing emotions to flow. I will be sharing another post soon with specific practices that can aid in the movement of emotions through the body, but it all begins with awareness.

Here are a few related posts that you can check out that include body awareness and sensing emotions in the body:

Note: You can access paid subscriber posts, attend live-online gatherings and support my work by upgrading your subscription for just $5 a month, or you can get three-months’ paid subscriber benefits FREE when you review my workbook this month!

See if you can get curious about emotions’ sensations the next time you experience a positive or difficult emotion. If that seems challenging to you, I recommend beginning with body awareness in general, including things like Mindful Yoga. We will unpack more about how to be with sensations in the body at our live-online gathering on June 10th.

Thank you for being on this journey with me!

Warmly,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. For my birthday I asked my daughters to give me two experience-related gifts: 1) tidy the front closet and 2) go on a birthday hike with me. The front closet hasn’t been touched yet, but we did have a lovely birthday hike together!

Jamie-Lynn and her two daughters by the lake.

Celebrate!

Two school years and 16 adventures later….

Hello Friends,

Two school years and 16 adventures later, fifth graders at Fratney Elementary have made it to the celebration at the end of the series of Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbooks for Kids!

Jamie-Lynn presenting Mindfulness and Self-Compassion book at Fratney Elementary School.

We followed our map through 16 lands, and 11 real kids from the “kids’ team” along with a host of animals helped us learn how mindful self-compassion can help us with the difficult moments in life.

I don’t want to spoil the ending, but it’s full of ups, downs, and self-compassion!

We had a lot of fun over the past two years, and I know that these students learned so much that they will take with them and benefit from the rest of their lives.

Here are a few quotes that the kids and classroom teacher shared:

“I really like the feelings habit animals and the resilience habit animals. Snuggles really helped me a lot and the kind touches.” -Sofie

“I learned to control my emotions and what are my emotions.” -Mariana

“I really like how it shows you the animals that are struggling with stuff and the ones that can help it.” -Stella

“I felt it really helpful to find out what my resilience habit was and how it could help me with my feelings.” -Rosa

“I just really learned how to deal and cope with stuff.” -Hilde

“The animals show you how [to handle emotions], and also I really like it because it makes me know how to control myself.” -Byron

“You have been with us these past two years, and the students have enjoyed it. They love it, and they even grew more. They have more knowledge about how to handle their emotions. Thank you.” -Mr. Gustavo

Teaching these kids the lessons from both workbooks was such a joy! I dream of this program being taught in schools across the world (it’s already being taught in a school in Kazakhstan!).

I’ve created a new teacher training pathway for learning to teach these lesson to kids that’s very accessible. Register before the end of May to receive a 20% discount on the first training.

Next week, I will share more good news (there a lot more goodness!), and I’ll also share a special gift with you. It’s almost my birthday, and I wish for us all to celebrate with something special. Be sure to check your email next week for a gift.

Thanks for sharing in my joy, and I can’t wait to celebrate more with you next week.

With love and gratitude,

Jamie Lynn

How Self-Compassion Saved my Daughter…and Me

An intergenerational legacy of healing

Reminder: If you want to join my upcoming Parent-Child Mindfulness and Self-Compassion class or Compassionate Parenting course, there is still time! Click here to learn more or to register for the free intro session. Mindful Self-Compassion is healing for all ages!


Hello Friends,

Today I’d like to share a post that I wrote many years ago. It is my family’s journey to self-compassion and why I dedicate my life to intergenerational healing. Scroll all the way down to see how my daughter has grown and changed over the years 🙂

Oct 10, 2017

My older daughter Maya was born sensitive, curious, and creative. As Maya grew, I learned that all of her five senses were extra sensitive. For her sounds were louder, smells and tastes more acute, she had a strong draw to everything tactile, and she saw “light shows” that made artificial lighting both intriguing and exhausting. Maya’s overstimulated nervous system made it difficult for her to regulate her emotions, and full out meltdowns were a common occurrence. When Maya was given free time, her curiosity and creativity allowed her to engage herself in a task for hours. At the same time, transitions and rote tasks were incredibly challenging for her because they pulled her away from the mesmerizing present moment.

2 years old Maya on the beach.

When Maya became preschool age, I felt challenged as to how to both support her curiosity and creativity as well as facilitate her acquisition of simple life skills and lead her to accept redirection. Maya’s intense wonder and curiosity made walking from her preschool to the car parked in front of the building a half-hour endeavor (with periodic meltdowns), and brushing her teeth a task that required many, many redirections.

5 years old Maya

I practiced mindfulness to stay calm. I tried making tasks and transitions playful. And I tried “love and logic” to see if consequences would help her to acquire a bit of self-discipline. As much as I tried to be neutral or compassionate when Maya failed to complete a “simple” task, Maya picked up on my subtle signs of frustration. Over time she began to develop the low self-esteem that comes from knowing that you are not living up to the standards of the adult who you so desperately want to please. She began to push herself to try to complete a task (like hanging up her jacket) with intense effort and self-criticism. She began to be ashamed of her curious, creative, sensitive, beautiful self.

To have my daughter begin to lose her sense of self-worth was my worst nightmare, and I began to see a helping professional in the hopes that I could learn to be more patient and less reactive to Maya’s distractibility and frequent tantrums. The professional who I worked with suggested that I needed more self-compassion. She suggested that I was “too hard on myself.” Hmmmm……

7 years old Maya

I read a little bit about self-compassion, and then I signed up for a Mindful Self-Compassion course. I learned how to truly “be there” for myself in my difficult moments. I learned how to let go of shame about my imperfections because I began to understand deeply that we all have imperfections. I began to ask myself how I could be kinder to myself. I had always been good at “self-care,” but I began to practice self-kindness. And a remarkable thing began to happen, as I began to apply self-compassion to myself, I naturally began to help Maya to acquire self-compassion as well.

As I learned how to walk myself through the voice of shame into the sunlight of compassion, I was increasingly able to walk Maya through the voice of shame into the sunlight of compassion. As I learned how to embrace my own imperfections, I became able to help Maya to embrace her imperfections. As I grew in self-love and self-appreciation, I helped Maya to grow self-love and self-appreciation. And my daughter and I both began to thrive.

Jamie-Lynn with her daughters.

Self-compassion proved to be the missing ingredient to helping Maya learn to apply self-discipline with kindness. She can now [at age 9 when I wrote this blog] acknowledge that because of her intense curiosity and creativity, performing a rote task can be incredibly challenging for her. And she has been increasingly able to use her strengths to make a game out of routine tasks. Self-compassion is not so much a technique as it is a way of being. A way of being with ourselves that naturally transfers to those we love. Learning to practice self-compassion on myself was the best gift I could ever have given my daughter. It saved her from a voice of shame and self-criticism, and it gifted her with an appreciation for her unique and beautiful self.

9 years old Maya

Reminder: I offer Mindful Self-Compassion classes and private sessions for adults, teens, and children of all ages. Learn more about my upcoming Compassionate Parenting and Parent-Child Mindfulness and Self-compassion classes here.


Thank you for being on this life-changing journey with me.

With love,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. My once four-year-old daughter is now almost 17! If you didn’t yet view our podcast episode together, I’ve included a link below.

Podcast with Jamie Lynn & Maya Lynn

Forgive Yourself

Dr. Chris Germer Helps us Release Parenting Shame

Hello friends,

The other day, I was on social media, and I saw this parenting post from the Institute of Child Psychology (please note my comment on the bottom of the post):

Parenting post from the Institute of Child Psychology and Jamie-Lynn's comment.

Of course yelling is not an optimal parenting (or teaching) strategy, and we don’t want to repeatedly berate our children and become an internalized inner critic. But if we pressure ourselves to be a perfect parent (or teacher), we won’t help our kids learn that it’s human to make mistakes. We all sometimes lose it as parents, and when we do, it’s an opportunity to forgive ourselves. We can acknowledge our mistakes and our humanity, and begin again.

Beating ourselves up when we fall short as caregivers is just as unhelpful as berating our children when they make mistakes. It’s not loving, and it’s not helpful. The alternative? Self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the antidote to shame, and today I am joyful to share a cherished interview with Dr. Christopher Germer. I originally recorded this interview for my Compassionate Parenting course, but I’m sharing it with you now as my last podcast episode of the season.

Our interview includes a heart warming and insightful conversation along with a couple of short guided practices. It is so worth your time. Please listen to it.

And remember, no matter how imperfect you are, you can love yourself right now. Loving yourself amidst your imperfections will help you to own your mistakes, and it will also help you love your imperfect child. My own journey of self-acceptance has opened the doorway to truly accepting and loving my partner and my children as imperfect beings. And the more our family lovingly embraces each other amidst our imperfections, the more we have a sense of belonging in our family.

I must be honest, forgiving ourselves can be easier said than done. It took large doses of Mindful Self-Compassion training and years of practice to shift my habit of beating myself up, but the journey is so worth it! And self-compassion always meets us just where we are (see upcoming courses here).

So, please, forgive yourself for being imperfect, and begin (or continue) the journey of loving yourself. Remember to listen to my podcast episode with Chris Germer on your favorite podcast app. Just like self-love, it’s freely given to you.

Wishing you light and love,

Jamie Lynn

Can We Stop a Child’s Meltdowns?

And how self-compassion can help

Hello Friends,

Today I’m focusing on a common parenting challenge: Meltdowns. Whether a child is two or four, or sixteen, it can be extremely challenging to witness and stay calm when a child is melting down. And if we have a child that is neurodiverse or highly sensitive, the challenge can be even more acute.

It was my own daughter’s tantrums when she was 4 years old that brought me through the doorway of a therapist’s office and to self-compassion over a decade ago (I’ll share a blog on this soon).

A card saying that Tantrums can feel like too much for a parent to bear alone.

This card says so much! Tantrums can feel like too much for a parent to bear alone.

If you have a child who is sensitive or neurodiverse…

Kate Lynch is a mom and mindfulness coach who helps parents of neurodiverse children. She interviewed me last month for her podcast, and she also wrote an article that highlighted our conversation regarding how self-compassion can help in parenting sensitive and neurodiverse kids. If you have a child who is sensitive and/or neurodiverse, you will likely relate to much of our conversation.

You can read the article she wrote about our conversation regarding meltdowns here.

There’s so much goodness and common humanity in our conversation in the above article, and also in our interview below.

At around the 14:00 minute mark in the interview, I share my favorite self-compassion practice to use in the midst of a child’s meltdown and guide listeners through the practice of Breathing Compassion In and Out. Self-compassion can help both children and adults cope better and recover faster from a meltdown.

Back to the original question: Can we stop a child’s meltdown?

So you might be wondering about the whether or not we can stop a child’s tantrums. The answer is complex, because honestly, it depends.

And what does it depend on?

  • It depends on the temperament of your child (and you).

  • It depends on how well-connected you and your child are to one another.

  • It depends on how well-slept and well-fed your child (and you) are.

  • It depends on how many other difficult things you and your child have already coped with that day (this can be huge). In other words, how resilient and well-regulated do you and your child feel before the challenge arises?

  • And it depends on how many resources you and your child have for coping with challenges (like mindfulness and self-compassion)!

There are more things I could add to this list, but these are a few of the elements that can affect how much or how little influence we will have over whether our child’s unhappiness will result in a full-on meltdown on any given day.

Resources to cope with shame—it’s not your fault!

One of the emotions that can arise for a parent when their child has frequent meltdowns is shame. It’s so tempting to think that we are doing something wrong because we can’t tame our child’s outbursts. While it’s good to get curious about the factors in the last section, it’s massively unhelpful to assume that it’s “our fault” or that we are doing “something wrong” because our child has frequent meltdowns.

If you have a child with big emotions and lots of meltdowns, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. And, self-compassion can help.

Next week I’m excited to share an interview between myself and Chris Germer regarding self-compassion, shame, and parenting. It is my favorite interview…ever. So powerful. I can’t wait to share it with you because you deserve to know you are a GOOD parent, and how self-compassion can help you show up as your best self for your child, again…and again…and again.

Wishing you light and love,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. Here’s a picture of my girls at an Easter egg hunt at grandma and grandpa’s house. Even though they are 12 and 16, they still had fun with their cousins looking for eggs!

Egg hunt at Easter.

P.P.S. And here’s a picture of me, my beloved workbook, and one of the girl’s Easter bunnies.

Jamie-Lynn with the workbook and Easter bunny.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.