Side-by-Side Feelings

Coping with Letdown and Holding space for Joy

Hello Friends,

Life is full of cycles. The seasons have cycles. My kids’ sports teams have cycles. And projects and book launches have cycles, too.

When we put a lot of time and energy into creating something beautiful, it’s common to feel a sense of joy and euphoria. And when these good feelings pass, it’s common to feel letdown.

This past weekend, my older daughter made it to State with her cross country team. It was the highest honor! She was so excited!

She and her team did great. She felt joy and celebrated! But when she came back home and realized the season was over, she felt the coming down from a natural high…she felt letdown.

When I was in my teens, I would do anything to avoid the feelings of disappointment and disillusionment that accompanied the good times passing. Part of why I abused alcohol in my teens was because I wanted to make the good times last longer, and I wanted to avoid the bad.

As a grown up, I’m trying to learn to welcome all of my feelings, even the challenging ones. They are a natural part of the cycle.

I experienced this recently with my book launch. So much time and energy was directed into creating and launching the first volume of the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids. The book is beautiful! And the launch was beautiful! There were some bumps on the path, but ultimately our launch was a big success. But after the initial waves of orders came in, I watched the orders slow down to a trickle. And I felt the the natural feeling of letdown.

A part of me wanted to try to distract or avoid the feelings, but instead I used my resilience habits. First, I used the “Buddy habit” and reminded myself that letdown is a natural emotion and part of the cycle of beginning and ending. I allowed myself to feel the feeling, and I used the “Spots” habit to feel the feelings in my body.

Then I used one of my favorite strategies from the Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids: I invited myself to “share the plate.” Yes, disappointment was on the plate, and so was gratitude, joy, love, and hope.

I also offered myself kindness in two forms: Snuggles and Super Snuggles. I soothed myself because the feeling of loss that accompanies something special ending is hard. And then I encouraged myself. I’m on a new leg of the journey.

Next week I’ll share more about what the new leg of the journey looks like (it’ll be a team effort). But for now, I’m simply holding space for where I am today. I will hold multiple feelings side by side.

This week is an election week, and I’m sure we all have a lot of side-by-side feelings. I am wishing each of us the freedom to feel our feelings. May you soak in the beauty of emotions you enjoy, and may you hold any challenging feelings with a sense of love and belonging to humanity.

Sincerely,

Jamie Lynn

P.S. In just two weeks I’ll be co-teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion for Teens class with my esteemed colleague, Karen Bluth. Click here to learn more. I’ll share more about this awesome opportunity for teens in a separate email later this week.

P.P.S. Here’s a picture of our family after Maya’s cross country race! I am so prateful (proud and grateful) of how far she came not only in her skills, but also in her inner compassionate and encouraging voice.